MABELLINE(:

fourhundredandtwentyfive.

2011-01-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

Hello, been so long since I've blogged.

First day of school today, also marks the start of my third year in MI. Surprisingly, I don't feel weird or awkward that I'm a retainee in a totally new environment. Good thing eh? The only difference is that the teachers will ask you more questions cause we're supposed to know. Found out that Organic Chem won't be taught this year, which is stupid because year 3 definitely would not be enough to cover all of it. They'd better start this year if not I'm going to complain.

Oh well, New Year's resolution? To not skip school on purpose this whole year. Think I can do it? ;)

fourhundredandtwentyfour.

2010-11-25T19:31:00.000+08:00

I'm craving for a little stick of slow death.

Slowly bring that stick to my lips and suck.

Inhale the deadly smoke.

Smile as it blackens my throat and lungs.

Slow death.

Also known as...

Bliss.

fourhundredandtwentythree.

2010-09-04T15:06:00.003+08:00

ambition is a disease

my favorite time of day is the time that goes by the fastest. does it pump my adrenaline to watch you leave? you gather your things and kiss my shoulder. you’re brave but i’m braver. the shower turns on and i fall back asleep to the sound of the water. i fall fast asleep until i feel you crawling back into bed, only in your plaid robe. i slide my fingers in the front and caress your smooth chest. i run my hand down to your stomach which i love to press my lips to. your robe is like another blanket and i snuggle up close. i fall fast asleep until i wake up to find myself snuggling to sheets. you’ve left again, and you always will. i lure you in because although i can withstand being alone, i can’t withstand being away from you.

from tumblr. username: spindrift

fourhundredandtwentytwo.

2010-08-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

a good day out with parents today. in a v good mood! :D shopped for mum and dad's mattress at robinsons. mattress coming next tues :)

ate mutton bryani at 313@somerset :D really spicy but felt good.

i can't wait for tuesday. no, not because of the mattress (come on i'm not the one who's sleeping in it.) but because i get to see my babe and go out with baby :D

anyway, baking session tmr :D

fourhundredandtwentytwo.

2010-08-27T17:13:00.001+08:00

i'm sick of this life.
(i'm sick of needing you.)

fourhundredandtwentyone.

2010-08-24T22:39:00.003+08:00

Mabel means:

1. Means beautiful in french, therefore most are beautiful, great in bed and would make a pornstar look ridiculous, usually got a great physique and a gorgeous face. Sometimes called a slut for being pretty. Even though people think of Mabel as a slut, Mabel never has more than one boyfriend at a go. Alot of boys want to be with Mabel, but she goes for the boy who she likes.

2. A woman typically of jewish decent who is extremely bossy and controlling and has a tendency to be a pain in the ass. She's very high maintenence and has to act like she's all that and to assert herself as being the one in control. She's basically got that "Queen Bee" mentality to where it's all about her and if she doesnt get what she wants she makes all kinds of problems for those around her. She will often control the man she's with to the degree that over time he'll become a pushover to her which makes it easier for her to control him. Usually, high end jewish women behave in this manner as nagging and just all out annoying. Generally, Mabels act like bitches so they tend to be short tempered.

3. n; synonym for satan.
other synonyms include: Beelzebub, Old Scratch, Lucifer, The Devil, Evil Incarnate, Thief of Souls.

Mabeline means:

1. Most beautiful Asian looking Ecuadorian in the whole wide world who is random and artsy with a low self esteem. She loves hello kitty, the color pink, monster energy drinks accompanied by m&m's with peanuts, squares, sunflowers, Fight Club (the movie), tuna with rice, and oatmeal raisin cookies, she's very random and she's so hood. The girl who gets gully with grown ass men when they bump into her on the streets, the girl who will kick anyone’s ass for you. A true friend :) I think she's perfect. So unique you wouldn't believe she existed. My bbylahh, Mi muñequita, My BFFL!, my Mabeline. <3

HAHAHA! funny or WHAT?! too bad don't have my name exactly eh? but all close la HAHAH

credits from www.urbandictionary.com

fourhundredandtwenty.

2010-08-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

fourhundredandnineteen.

2010-08-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you♥

fourhundredandseventeen.

2010-08-18T20:58:00.000+08:00

damn my eye allergy. i'm feeling so pissed right now plus i have so much work to do tonight. it's bothering me non stop; being pain and itchy. and God, i need some motivation and strength to ignore this itch and do my work and revision. hello? it's like about 3.5 weeks more to promos 2 and what the hell am i doing now?! sigh :(

i need you baby.

fourhundredandsixteen.

2010-08-13T22:39:00.002+08:00

i'm waiting for the day when we have our own apartment together, when we go to bed with our arms around each other, the last and first thing i see is your face. maybe in the middle of the night when i can't sleep, i shall slowly wake you up and we'll have a little fun. in the morning when both of us are awake, take a long shower together and get ready for work. i'll make a simple breakfast to start out off our day and kiss you goodbye when we leave. dinner will be waiting for you at home if i'm not too busy. think of all the fun we could have when we're alone in our apartment. no boundaries, no restrictions, we can do anything we want.

i can't wait♥

fourhundredandfifteen.

2010-08-13T15:27:00.004+08:00

My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved

I can only live wholly with you or not at all -

Be calm my life, my all. Only by calm consideration of

our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together.

Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful

heart of your beloved.

Ever thine.

Ever mine.

Ever ours.

fourhundredandfourteen.

2010-07-28T18:20:00.000+08:00

i wonder if i ever asked you to quit, will you?

fourhundredandthirteen.

2010-07-28T18:10:00.003+08:00

it sucks that i can't tell others to stop smoking cause i'm a smoker too. i swore to myself once i'll never touch cigarettes cause it was because of it that my grandfather died. i saw my own loved one get lung infection. and now, my gf's dad is suffering from lung cancer. smoking kills. it pains me to see the ppl around me smoke. and i'm trying to cut down too. honestly? i'll never touch another cigarette if it means i'm hurting others.

fourhundredandtwelve.

2010-07-26T23:18:00.002+08:00

was surprised when moo came to me and asked if i could draw a flower bouquet for a cake for his pastor. haha anyway, thought i couldn't do it but it turned out really well :D

i'm just scared that it's not v suitable for a cake :(

fourhundredandeleven.

2010-07-19T20:47:00.001+08:00

ah, the sweet taste of blood and the sharp throbbing pain is just so alluring.

fourhundredandten.

2010-07-15T00:39:00.001+08:00

ok mabellineang. if you don't want to study hard for yourself, then do it for others. for your future husband, so that it won't be too stressing on him to earn more. and for your future parents-in-law. to impress them :D

fourhundredandnine.

2010-07-13T20:21:00.001+08:00

SML!

pa: (looks at me and smiles) heard you got bf ah?

me: (looks at him shocked, keeps quiet, look down)

pa: (pestering) what's his name?

me: daryl

pa: senior ah?

me: er.. ya

pa: studying same subs?

me: er... no.

pa: then what subjects?

me: er.. (thinks for quite long) business stream (PARTLY TRUE AH)

pa: ohh. not bad. so this yr a lvls ah?

me: ya.

pa: in december?

me: no in november. (quickly runs away)

♥darylcher has somehow became a 19 year old who is taking his A levels Business Course in Millennia Institute this year :)

fourhundredandeight.

2010-07-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

fml.

MABELLINE(: says:
*my god so much hair dropping
*i think i got cancer
*:P
-=|Lonez|=- says:
*T_T
MABELLINE(: says:
*whycry?
*you can finally get rid of your violent baby :P
-=|Lonez|=- says:
*what cancer ==
*i rather not get rid of u
*cause i can use u to vent my frustrations :P

fourhundredandseven.

2010-07-04T18:54:00.002+08:00

pep talk to me.

you should learn how to appreciate life for what it is, instead of thinking about what it could be, and how much more perfect it can be. because honestly, you have almost everything that makes your life perfect. parents who love and care about you, a sister who is always there and is always supportive, friends who love you so and a guy who loves you and sacrificed so much for you. what's more to want? complain that you're poor? nonsense. you are so very rich in the sense that you have love in your life and that they're almost always there when you need them. who needs material things when you have those? you don't see what's so perfect in front of you, instead you choose to see everything so imperfectly and want more. isn't love enough for you? isn't there not enough love already in your life?

you're constantly comparing. that this is better, that can be much better. hello? focus on the present and the future instead of getting so caught up in the past. so what if you have such miserable memories in the past. so what if you experienced so much pain in the past? isn't NOW making it better? why must you keep thinking about it? trauma? don't bullshit. it isn't worth spending your energy thinking about the past when you have the present and future waiting for you to embrace. that's all it matters.

don't keep thinking that you're a failure. PSLE and O levels were total screw ups. but you can't change the past. what are you doing now? nothing to change your attitude towards life. instead you berate yourself time and time again for the mistakes you made in the past but do nothing else. learn from those mistakes and CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. you think you're so charmed that you can scrape through everything? please. this is A levels. a whole new different ball game. it's the toughest hurdle ever in your education. pass this with flying colours and everyone will be proud of you and it'll be easier for you to go through any other hardships in education. so what if you're in MI? didn't you say before that you actually wonder how some of your friends came to MI when they're so smart? doesn't mean you're in MI means you're stupid. hello? you are smart for goodness sake. don't let anyone else, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

start loving and respecting yourself before you learn how to do same unto others. grow up girl.

end.

fourhundredandsix.

2010-07-04T18:46:00.001+08:00

"One day you’re going to want that specific girl. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you and love you the only way she knew she could but you wouldn’t let her. That girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty face and treasured parts of you that no one else appreciated. That girl who realizes she may never have your heart, but will carry the image of you in hers forever. And by the time you realize that’s the girl you’re looking for, she’ll be with the guy who already knew."

fourhundredandfive.

2010-06-25T21:25:00.002+08:00

everyone doesn't believe it when i say that i'm feeling stressed. i'm sorry but i don't think you people have the right to judge how i feel right? yes, i am fucking stressed now. feeling so fucking lonely and depressed sometimes i feel like just screaming out. fuck i have no idea why are tears pouring down as i type this.

you think i don't think about my studies at all? about what a complete flop i am right now? it's on my mind constantly, screaming inside my mind, driving me crazy. i start to study and there's that voice, screaming even louder, reminding me that i'm such a failure. even though i constantly try to block out that voice, it's futile no matter how much i continue studying. the only way to block it out was to play, was to run away from all my troubles. it doesn't work now. i start to slack and there's that voice again. "YOU ARE A COMPLETE FAILURE MABELLINE ANG! WHAT A USELESS BITCH!" it says. i can't run away from it anymore. even so, i continue giving excuses for not studying. procrastinating day and night. i can't sleep, i start to binge, not caring a single fuck about my health. my boyfriend isn't exactly supportive. my dad is so concerned, but i have tried to change. i have tried, and tried, and tried. i've said a gazillion times, "i must fucking change for the better."

i don't want to be a failure anymore. i don't care what it takes even if it means cutting off all ties with those who are harming me, those who are in my way of my grades. fuck you all bitches out there. it's just one and a half years more. hang in there.

fourhundredandfour.

2010-06-24T23:36:00.002+08:00

i want spa.

i want a manicure.

i want a pedicure.

i want to detoxify.

i want a brazilian wax.

i want to even out my tan.

i want a sauna.

i want a jacuzzi.

享受 niazzzz.

fourhundredandthree.

2010-05-11T22:13:00.002+08:00

The clitoris is pure in purpose. It is the only organ in the body designed purely for pleasure. The clitoris is simply a bundle of nerves: 8000 nerve fibers, to be precise. That's a higher concentration of nerve fibers than is found anywhere else in the body, including the fingertips, lips, and tongue, and it is twice...twice...twice the number in the penis. Who needs a handgun when you've got a semiautomatic.

-Vagina Monologues

fourhundredandtwo.

2010-05-11T21:04:00.002+08:00

darylcher.

he may not be the most matured guy, the most thoughtful one, the most good-looking one. he may not know what to say or do in some situations and can end up saying or doing the wrong things. he isn't always there when i need someone, and he may not be the most understanding person around. no, he isn't the perfect guy.

but what matters is that he tries. he puts up with me when i'm having my worst mood swings, he takes care of me when i'm sick. he shows that he cares for me and still accepts me even when i can't forgive myself. he knows what to do when i'm feeling down and will do his very best to cheer me up even when he knows he's at risk of me biting back.

all i can say is that, i know and i can feel that he loves me and yes baby, despite all your imperfections, i love you too :)

fourhundredandone.

2010-05-08T23:14:00.002+08:00

never felt so happy in a long time :D

wanted to go blading today but all my plans failed cause it rained at the last minute. had fun though :D went to aljunied, marina^2, suntec, heeren and taka with ♥. ate dimsum at 和记包 somewhr in aljunied for lunch/dinner. ♥'s sandals broke so went sandal/flipflop hunting. took like 3 hrs+???? exhausted. ♥ bought for me a dress from hula&co. and a pair of sandals from rubi :D love him to bits. went to taka and got a bouquet of flowers for mum. thanks ♥ for helping me decide which flowers to get :D

♥darylcher.

fourhundred.

2010-05-05T18:39:00.002+08:00

if only you knew what drove me to him... but look. i'm heart-broken now because of everything that has happened. consequences of being too demanding? i'm sorry. i'm just someone who needs alot of attention and i'm not getting it. is that so wrong?

threehundredandninetynine.

2010-05-04T21:56:00.002+08:00

i'm gonna immerse myself in studying soon. just wait and see. aiming for at least a B in math and at least a D for the rest of my subs. think i can do it?

threehundredandninetyeight.

2010-05-04T13:44:00.002+08:00

was thinking about ahkong ytd again. cried a little cause i really miss him alot. then i started thinking about my childhood with him. i still rmb how he reads the newspaper. he will lick his finger then flip the page. how he used to play with us by taking out his dentures. how he was so proud of his coin collection which was really nice.

i miss him.

threehundredandninetysix.

2010-03-09T23:54:00.001+08:00

yeah i know my blog is really dead now. but some story is forming in my mind. will post that up when i'm free? (:

threehundredandninetyfive.

2010-02-20T10:00:00.001+08:00

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone
So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time.

-Owl City, The Saltwater Room

threehundredandninetyfour.

2010-02-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year and valentine's day to all! (:

threehundredandninetythree.

2010-02-07T23:53:00.003+08:00

baby,
i just wanna say how much i love you and that my life feels alot brighter and colourful with you around. my heart never fail to pump faster and harder whenever i look at you and every kiss we share is just like a first kiss to me. i still feel my skin tingling whenever you touch me and it feels really nice. i can remember the look on your face whenever something is said and i can almost memorise what your reaction will be when a certain something is done or said. i love the way you say "i love you" and your reaction when i don't say it back. i love how you're so patient with me even though i'm being a bitch and you'll always try to calm me down. i'm proud to say that i have never once felt like arguing with you even though sometimes i'm a little tensed. i love the way you laugh, smile, and look at me with those eyes of yours. it just gives me this really warm feeling that spreads through my body and settles there. yes, you make me feel really happy when i'm with you. and you never failed to leave my mind no matter day or night, asleep or awake. you're just really dear to me.

i love you my dear.

threehundredandninetytwo.

2010-01-28T20:13:00.002+08:00

"Don't you dare question where I was. I've told you time and time again, I'm working! Why won't you ever believe me?"

The door slammed and she heard her Mum crying. She didn't dare go out, afraid of what she would see. She had heard this fight every time her Dad came back late. It always ended with Dad walking out on them, coming back only when both parties had cooled down. And that usually lasts for a few weeks tops.

She was a single child living in a single-income family. Dad worked as an assistant director of one of the largest company in the region. His job required him to work late hours and have many overseas trips. Mum is a stay-home mum, but have a lot of charity events to organise and was always dressed to the nines no matter what time it was. Her family was one of those model families which looks perfect on the outside. With a designer house and a large front yard, it was the envy of many people who passed by.

Little did they know, how much blood was shed in the house.

She came home one day to find Dad sitting in the living room. He looked up as she came in and invited her to sit down. She walked over tentatively, smelling something suspicious. Her Dad looked into his hands, as if there was something interesting about it. He stayed like this for awhile, then he looked up.

"Your Mum is pregnant."

"Really?" Her face lit up.

"Yes," he paused for a moment. "But we have decided to get a divorce."

She looked at him with a half-smile. She expected him to laugh and say that it was all a joke. He looked serious, apologetic even. She felt like hurting him but she got up and walked to her bedroom. She slammed her door and pretended she did not hear anything. She got out her mp3 and plugged in her earpiece. She lay on her bed with her eyes closed but all she could see was Dad repeating those lines to her. She turned up the volume till her ears hurt but it doesn't seem to drown out his voice. She felt hurt, betrayed, and felt a sudden protective feeling for her new sibling. No way she was going to allow her parents hurt him or her like they had hurt her. She ripped out her earpiece and sprang out of the bed with a sudden rush of adrenaline. She stormed to the living room and starting screaming.

"Why? One might think that with a new child coming you both will just kiss and make up. Is it so hard to stay together? Is it so hard for both of you to trust each other? Mum loves you, Dad. Don't you get it? She cares enough for you and that's why she's been doing what she's doing. You didn't give me a proper life. Are you going to make that same mistake with your second child?!"

Her Dad looked shocked. She felt a really warm feeling of triumph, then she heard a sob from behind her. She whirled around and saw her Mum standing there. She started to walk forward but her Mum backed away and went into her room. She turned back to her Dad and to her surprise, tears were running unchecked down his face. She didn't know what to feel anymore. She just stood there rooted.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and went to hug her Dad.

"I'm sorry, Honey. We just can't stay together anymore."

She broke away and ran out of the house.

When she came back in the middle of the night, she found her Mum sitting at the dining table with her hands around a steaming cup of tea.

"Come here, Honey."

She walked over and sat down.

"Honey, listen to me. Your father and I, we really can't stay together anymore. And there's something else I have to tell you. This baby, it's not your father's."

She stared at her Mum in disbelief. She felt angry all of a sudden.

"All those times you accused Dad of cheating on you, you were the one doing the cheating all this while?!"

"I'm sorry Honey," her eyes started glistening with fresh tears and she looked pleadingly at her daughter.

"Stop it Mum. I'm sick of seeing your fake tears. Now that I think about it, yea, it's better this way. Live your perfect life with your new man and child."

The next minute, the main door slammed shut.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmm, not very well done but yea, just suddenly thought of this family and started writing without much plan. oh well.

threehundredandninetyone.

2010-01-27T21:15:00.001+08:00

sometimes we got to suffer in order to taste the sweetness of life.

threehundredandninety.

2010-01-27T21:08:00.002+08:00

went to jp last sunday with mum to get my heels. my first ever heels in my life ok. hahaha! got a top and a skirt too :D

look at dear's lighter LOL papa lighter and baby lighter :P

hanwei's bday present. it's a sketchbook and this is the design for the cover. yea, plain but it turned out nice (:

threehundredandeightynine.

2010-01-26T13:51:00.002+08:00

she was lying flat on the cold white bed. the nurse forced her legs open and strapped her feet down. she heard the snap of the rubber gloves. the nurse turned the light into her eyes, forcing her eyes shut. a strong antiseptic smell came into the room. she started trembling. she heard the doctor say something, but she couldn't hear. hands were stroking her. she squirmed. she started to cry out. the nurse was by her side, stroking her head. and she felt the worst pain ever. she started crying. she felt the doctor's fingers exploring her insides. she felt like dying. she couldn't take the pain. and as sudden as the pain had came, her hand was out.

she felt humiliated.

exposed.

invaded.

threehundredandeightyeight.

2010-01-25T16:57:00.000+08:00

Chantal Kreviazuk - Feels Like Home

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself

Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms

There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast

Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street

And a siren wails in the night

But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me

And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

threehundredandeightyseven.

2010-01-17T22:48:00.003+08:00

so my blog is quite dead now.

oh well,

can't be helped can it?

my baby has no more wisdom and apparently after the tooth was removed his gum had menses :P and before tt it had pms that's why giving him alot of trouble.

yes my dear, i do love you. and that's why i'm posting that up here instead of your fb wall :D ♥

threehundredandeightysix.

2010-01-14T01:23:00.003+08:00

cause sometimes we look at ourselves in the mirror and not recognise ourselves,

instead we see an ugly stranger.

but we must not lose this belief,

that out there, someone sees you for what you are and finds that

you are simply the most beautiful thing in the world.

threehundredandeightyfive.

2010-01-14T01:20:00.001+08:00

heehee.

threehundredandeightyfour.

2010-01-10T17:59:00.004+08:00

happy birthday evelyn♥!

met up with evelyn at jp and went to have twister fries at mac. decided to eat at jp's ambush instead cause i was scared that taka's will be crowded. chix cheese with rosti, baby calamari and queen scallop. nice! :D got a hoe too :P

bought macarons from bakerzin! thanks evelyn :D very nice. my first time trying LOL

train-ed over to city hall. didn't meet joalynn in the end. walked around and went to conrad's to get her birthday cake. went to marina square AND I GOT MY WALLET FROM FOURSKIN! :D which is really funny cause the last time i went there, there wasn't a single one left, and today the colour they have left is RED♥. must be my lucky day huh :D

her sis fetched me to jp and i bought some stuffs before coming home.

well, school's starting tmr and i'm really really nervous. haha. new class, though got some S7 friends♥ :D i've got a new bag, new wallet and now what's missing will be my pencil case :P

yea, i DO miss you so.

threehundredandeightythree.

2010-01-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

cause when i look at you, the only thing i see is love.

threehundredandeightytwo.

2010-01-09T23:25:00.003+08:00

went to superbowl mac to study with D today. ok, more appropriately, i watched him study. i stoned most of the time. seriously can't concentrate -_-

walked over to TJ's market/food centre and we ate stingray, kangkong and fried egg :D enjoyed it.

well, he's going over to kukup tmr and me? i'm going over to taka to celebrate evelyn's birthday. ambush! (:

i'm really glad i've met some people in my life, namely D, my best buddy and cindy baby (: cause you guys are the awesomest bestest companions/listeners/friends (:

threehundredandeightyone.

2010-01-09T14:35:00.005+08:00

She was at a convenience store, grabbed something to eat and looked around for it. Ah, there it is, just right beside the counter. She glanced around, making sure there wasn't anyone in the store. Yes, it was empty except for that old man sitting behind the counter who was watching her every move. She walked tentatively to the counter and tried to look nonchalant as she picked out the cheapest.

She was at home. Her heart pounded so fiercely she could hear it. Thank goodness no one was at home. It made things easier. She tried to calm herself down. Breathe in slowly and deeply, she told herself. She stood rooted at the spot until she felt her heartbeat slow down. She sauntered into the bathroom carrying it.

She was at the bathroom. Tears were running down as she stared at the cursed thing. She looked at herself in the mirror. Tear-stained cheeks. Her face was messed up with black streaks running down. She looked like a freak. She starts to laugh. She stops. She curled herself up and started crying. She couldn't even stop to take a breath.

She was in her room. She had finally calm down. She picked up her phone and called him. One ring. Two rings. His familiar voice came over the phone. I'm pregnant, she said. Silence. A few minutes passed and then, she heard a click, then a dial tone. She was stunned, and the crying started.

She was on her bed when she heard the doorbell. She lay there, refusing to move. The doorbell persisted on. She got up slowly and strolled to the door. She opened it, and there he was kneeling on her porch.

"I love you. Marry me."

threehundredandeighty;;drug addict.

2010-01-09T13:37:00.004+08:00

threehundredandseventynine.

2010-01-09T13:37:00.001+08:00

threehundredandseventyeight.

2010-01-09T01:58:00.000+08:00

beware of ebay scams

threehundredandseventyseven;;this is so me.

2010-01-08T00:08:00.001+08:00

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.

I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle.

But if you can't handle me at my worst,

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

threehundredandseventysix;;embryonic journey.

2010-01-07T23:57:00.001+08:00

don't this look like something?

threehundredandseventyfive.

2010-01-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

this is supposed to describe dear.

but erm... i can't resist the urge to bite you leh.

how?

threehundredandseventyfour.

2010-01-07T00:37:00.002+08:00

I'M HOME!!! :D

went over to tiong bahru to eat dinner. BAN MIAN DRY!!! sucks by the way. still cannot beat coffee united one. i have decided to bring baby there to try it one day after school :D

after dinner had nothing to do so we went over to cold rock cafe to eat ice cream!!

tiramisu + cheesecake + graham crackers = awesome!

yeah, i know it's in my plurk but it's just so nice i had to repeat it :P

oh yes, did i mention that baby was SUPER HIGH while walking to holland V? hahaha and he is the first person i know who can actually keep quiet all the way until i cannot take it LOL!

things to do with baby: ban mian at CU, walk from jp to home, PRAWNING, drive around singapore :D, more to add. cause i don't wanna do anything without you (:

threehundredandseventythree.

2010-01-06T15:53:00.004+08:00

at kap mac now. supposedly to study but here i am blogging. haha too bored alrdy la :x waiting impatiently for 6.30pm then going to sim to meet baby. dinner most prolly at tiong bahru with his friend :D

went to tampines yesterday to lunch with dear. salmon porridge at han's! my favourite :P acced dear to sch and i went to kap. went over to jp to watch movie. wanted sherlock holmes but it was selling fast. watched treasure hunter instead. sucky movie. seriously.

threehundredandseventytwo.

2010-01-05T01:40:00.001+08:00

baby said this pic describes me most.

I DISAGREE!

*pouts*

threehundredandseventyone.

2010-01-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

cause i love the honesty and understanding that comes out from you when we talk.

buddy love always yeah?

threehundredandseventy.

2010-01-05T01:21:00.001+08:00

cause i don't think winning is important as long as you have fun right?

threehundredandsixtynine;;i beg you.

2010-01-04T23:26:00.003+08:00

this picture actually made me think about our lives and about how fortunate we are that we are living in modern singapore with a proper roof, proper clothes and proper food. we tend to take things for granted, that nothing like this will happen to us. but as we waste water, electricity, food, etc. we have never once stopped to think about the third world countries. some don't even have shelter above their heads.

don't you feel some heart-wrenching feeling when you see this picture?

i do.

easy for us to say.

difficult for us to do.

threehundredandsixtyeight.

2010-01-04T22:49:00.002+08:00

went out with mum to shop today. went to hurs at jp and bought a dress and a top for new year~! p.s. saw xin yan anyway. she was sitting in front of me the whole time in the bus and i didn't even realised until we got down and she was walking far far away LOL yes, clever us.

bus-ed down to west coast plaza to find my shoes at nikefactorystore. tried on this super nice shoes and i realised it don't look so nice on me. so went to check and saw this really nice puma shoes. but too bad, no size. so we decided to go down to orchard.

ate jap noodles at taka :D walked ard then went over to check @ heeren. got my puma shoes :D

went to 313's uniqlo and forever21. bought some rings then bus-ed hm.

i am so tired.

it was fun though :D

threehundredandsixtyseven.

2010-01-04T00:39:00.001+08:00

was scrolling through PB and found this pic :D

haha see my cindy baby last time so cute one :P

threehundredandsixtysix;;just for laughs.

2010-01-03T22:29:00.001+08:00

threehundredandsixtyfive.

2010-01-03T21:02:00.001+08:00

yay! new look (: tagboard will be up and running as soon as i create a new one, cause apparently i have NO frking IDEA what's the id and pw anymore. genius me huh :D

threehundredandsixtyfour.

2010-01-03T18:23:00.000+08:00

execution of the violet gummy bear.

threehundredandsixtythree.

2010-01-02T10:54:00.001+08:00

listen to your heart.

i did.

threehundredandsixtytwo.

2010-01-02T10:53:00.001+08:00

so i decided to post one pic up everytime i come online. i just have to share my finds from deviant.

cause deviant is loved (:

threehundredandsixtyone.

2010-01-02T10:28:00.004+08:00

Things to do for 2010 (:

#1. cut my nails regularly.

#2. study, study, study.

#3. find tutors for chem and lit.

#4. REVAMP MY WADROBE :D

#5. find plenty of songs to fill up my 8GB memory card.

#6. take plenty of photos to fill up my 8GB memory card. (see this baby?)

#7. persuade/force/convince baby to sleep early.

#8. girls' night out with cindy baby!

#9. clear all my debts.

#10. new school shoes.

#11. new work shoes.

#12. mug for common test!

#13. mug for end of years!

#14. promotional results: promoted to PU3.

#15. promote to year 3 without any borderline passing. i.e. at least a C!

#16. mug for PW.

#17. change my toenail colour. though my luck is good with it (:

#18. bring family to ambush.

#19. pack my table regularly.

#20. lesser bad moods and depressions.

#21. HAVE A SMOOTH YEAR THROUGH! 364 MORE DAYS TO 2011!

threehundredandsixty.

2010-01-01T09:47:00.001+08:00

threehundredandfiftynine;;HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-01T09:33:00.001+08:00

happy new year to all!

threehundredandfiftyeight.

2009-12-31T01:24:00.003+08:00

went to jp to shop in the afternn. wanted to get my sch shoes but i couldn't decide and we were rushed for time. but i got new footwear from CnK (:

after that went home, changed then went down to SG flyer. wanted to ride but got some problem with the coupon thing so ended up we didn't go. went over to marina's kbox after that. met up with aunts too. sang till about 11++? bus-ed then cabbed home.

anyway, the outing tmr is confirmed :D i am happy. and will be going over to ambush to have dinner with family and sean too. MY TREAT OKAY :P

threehundredandfiftyseven.

2009-12-30T02:47:00.003+08:00

so i actually feel a lot happier and secure with you. so it's rumoured that the so-called honeymoon period lasts for the first few months, then the problems will start. yeah, i know problems WILL arise, it's part of any relationships. but somehow i know that if we ever face any problems, we will face them together, we will go through it together, and we will come out stronger than ever before. because i haven't felt this happy in a long time. because i haven't felt this secure before. because i feel safe in this relationship. because i know now what love is. because you have shown me.

i can't believe that we have gotten this far.

i♥D.

threehundredandfiftysix;;two is better than one

2009-12-28T23:49:00.004+08:00

this song is dedicated to my one and only baby (: i love you!

I remember what you wore on the first day

You came into my life

And I thought hey

You know this could be something

'Cause everything you do and words you say

You know that it all takes my breath away

And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Well maybe two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

I remember every look upon your face,

The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste

You make it hard for breathing

'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away

I think of you and everythings okay

And finally now, we're leaving

And maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Well maybe two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

Yeah, yeah

I remember what you wore on the first day

You came into my life

And I thought hey

Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Maybe two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking

Oooh I can't live without you

'Cause baby two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And I've figured out with all that's said and done

Two, is better than one

threehundredandfiftyfive.

2009-12-28T01:12:00.004+08:00

yes, this suaku girl has finally found out how to transfer pics onto the com :P

bought this for cindy baby for xmas :D you owe me one prezzie k? :P

yeah, this is 5 cups of flour. imagine how much i needed to sift that night!

this is boiled maple syrup, butter, sugar and spices.

mixing in the flour!

my cookie dough :D

this is one of my mum's specialty: carrot cake. it's not yet baked duh.

my pretty xmas cookies :D

doing the icing was tough but it was damn fun.

i just love seeing the looks on people's faces when they eat my cookies and say it's nice. gives me a really warm sense of satisfaction (:

BACON AND SAUSAGE! done by me :P

SALAD! done by me :P

WINE PUNCH! my love. hahaha

cold cut ham :D

mum's carrot cake.

another of mum's specialty: white choc cream cheese fruit tart. i'm sure aaron is super familiar with this right? :D

this is a super long fry i ate today :P

randomly taking the display cabinet. MCD'S TOYS! :D

and finally, a photo with my new hairstyle. hahaha! i just love the mirror in my dining room~

threehundredandfiftyfour.

2009-12-28T00:31:00.001+08:00

6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.

-50 things that girls wish guys knew, FB group.

I LOVE THIS!

threehundredandfiftythree.

2009-12-28T00:27:00.001+08:00

thank goodness i'll be meeting my bestest buddy and D later. if not i think i'm going to stick with being a bitch for a few days.

threehundredandfiftytwo.

2009-12-28T00:22:00.001+08:00

58. Call sometimes, just to say hi, not for a certain reason. When we see your number on caller ID, our heart always skips a beat. Try calling just to say good night, or good morning, its soo adorable!

-102 things guys should know about girls, FB group

threehundredandfiftyone.

2009-12-28T00:21:00.001+08:00

51. We can fall in love with you without really knowing you, if you are an @ss, we will find out, and we will get over it. Fast. Don't ruin it.

-102 things guys should know about girls, FB group

threehundredandfifty.

2009-12-28T00:16:00.001+08:00

12. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. Or else.

-102 things guys should know about girls, FB group

threehundredandfortynine.

2009-12-28T00:13:00.000+08:00

2. Be aware of all your girlfriends’ guy friends, brothers, fathers, or anything. They are protective. Every single male friend we have will kick your ass if you end up hurting her.

- 102 things guys should know about girls, FB group

*winks*

threehundredandfortyeight.

2009-12-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

kite flying was a disaster today.

threehundredandfortyseven.

2009-12-25T12:01:00.001+08:00

did carrot cake, cookies and white choc cheese fruit tart last night. pics will be uploaded once i find out how to transfer files from my phone to com and vice versa. LOL suaku :X

oh well, BACK TO WORK (: bye lovelies, merry xmas!

threehundredandfortysix.

2009-12-25T10:32:00.000+08:00

59. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it... it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.

-90 things girls should know about guys, FB group

threehundredandfortyfive.

2009-12-25T10:29:00.000+08:00

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.

-90 things girls should know about guys, FB group

threehundredandfortyfour.

2009-12-25T10:16:00.001+08:00

i just found out 09S7 have been officially split. what a wonderful xmas present from MI.

threehundredandfortythree.

2009-12-23T01:32:00.002+08:00

i say:
*monkeypigcatsalmon
he says:
*i think u can be a human zoo :P
i say:
*new breed
*imagine monkey head, pig nose and tail, cat paws, salmon body
*LOL

threehundredandfortytwo.

2009-12-21T08:53:00.003+08:00

LALALA~!

going out to town with my girls and baby today. see deco and stuff. wondering if tanglin mall has the snow thing today :P then can go and play. hahaha! yeah, imagine wearing a dress and playing that. how unglam :X

oh well, if my phone can install plurk app, then i won't be changing over to twitter already (:

ok, going to look for something to eat now. bye!

threehundredandfortyone.

2009-12-21T01:50:00.001+08:00

You Are Giving and Generous

You have a truly kind heart. You are naturally caring and nurturing toward others.

You feel for people on a deep level. It's likely that you have many social causes that are important to you.

It makes you feel good to be needed. You get just as much out of helping people as the people you help do.

You have a lot of unconditional love for people, though it bothers you when you're not loved in return.

The Autumn Leaf Test

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

threehundredandforty.

2009-12-21T01:24:00.003+08:00

new phone! don't disappoint me :D

threehundredandthirtynine.

2009-12-21T01:24:00.001+08:00

my shoulders seem to have a permanent ache in them.

threehundredandthirtyeight.

2009-12-19T14:59:00.002+08:00

been so long since i stayed home the whole day. haha but now i'm bored.

looking forward to a really boring night ahead. NOT.

threehundredandthirtyseven.

2009-12-19T02:50:00.003+08:00

I♥RED

because it's something which relates to anger, passion, happiness, shyness, and love.

threehundredandthirtysix.

2009-12-19T02:49:00.003+08:00

aaron's words keep going over and over in my head. but now i know they're not true.

this is not a rebound relationship. it's something real.

it's something called love.

threehundredandthirtyfive.

2009-12-19T00:30:00.002+08:00

YET ANOTHER 10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT ME.

#21. i love to take long train/bus rides no matter who is or isn't with me.

#22. I LOVE THE FOOD THAT MY BABY COOKS :D

#23. when i start loving someone truly, i won't stop so there's no need to worry.

#24. i feel really really really comfortable with you by my side.

#25. i tend to be quite open about things that happen to my body, so don't mind me :X

#26. i'm a real bitch sometimes.

#27. when i get high (hyper ah. not _____ :X), i get real high.

#28. yes, i'm very prone to accidents as you can see.

#29. NO, i'm not clumsy usually. i just tend to be a little clumsy with you :P

#30. did i mention that i love you? no? ok, I LOVE YOU.

threehundredandthirtyfour.

2009-12-18T23:48:00.002+08:00

went out with evelyn in the morning to IMM to find gifts. it came when i reached IMM la -_- suay bo. at least i got my wish. it came EXACTLY one week before christmas :D

after that went to find dear over at pasir ris. slept through at his hse LOL second meal he cooked for me :D love you baby.

train-ed to boonlay and walked cindy home. bitched about BLK. it's no wonder his name starts with "ASS".

bought minjiangkueh for dinner. SO LONG NEVER EAT ALREADY!!! :D so now i just bathed and i'm waiting for my dearest to reach home (:

someone msged me this morning, so here's my reply to him. "no, you're wrong when you say that he can't. because a single minute spent with him is equivalent to a year spent with you. this is how i feel about him. and that was how i felt about you."

threehundredandthirtythree.

2009-12-17T10:00:00.002+08:00

♥because life is all about us now.

threehundredandthirtytwo.

2009-12-16T12:17:00.002+08:00

她：你从哪里来？

我：pasir ris

她：去那里干什么？

我：男朋友家咯

她：哇！那么远？值得吗？

我：当然值得！

threehundredandthirtyone.

2009-12-16T10:27:00.002+08:00

thanks baby for the lunch you cooked yesterday. i loved it! honestly. got your love as an added ingredient how can i not love :P

threehundredandthirty.

2009-12-15T09:14:00.004+08:00

so i don't understand why guys tend to relate lipstick, and lipstick ONLY to cosmetic brands. all my life i have been hearing "oh so you're mabelline? you use maybelline lipstick la?", "wah that means you own lipstick company leh", "you're named after a lipstick brand!" i'm like, ok, either you're damn ignorant or you're just really pathetic. HELLO?! like cosmetics consists of only lipstick?! get a life. seriously, in my whole seventeen years of people teasing me about my name, i have only heard ONE GUY who talks about MASCARA and not lipstick.

note: why do i only talk about GUYS here? cause the girls are mature enough not to tease people about they're names.

yes, I LOVE MY NAME.

this is purely out of randomness and is not meant for anyone in particular.

threehundredandtwentynine.

2009-12-15T08:27:00.002+08:00

work was hell yesterday.

received a call from siva even before i reached ambush, saying that it was really busy. so i rushed there and i saw charles doing one man show :S ERMM. haha like siva calls but charles is working -_- oh well. so once i stepped in i was rushing here and there. non stop till about 3 i think? aaron came in to eat :D haha ALONE. but cam came in much later.

AND THEN, it was boring. no customers, nothing to do, i was falling asleep. seriously.

AND THEN, dinner time was still empty. HA! so irritating.

my whole body was on auto shut down after closing.

AND THEN, you called and said that you were at jp :D and i was awake already LOL quickly gulped down my clam chowder, changed and met him. passed him his present :D:D (i'm excited to fix it up!!!) and i got a PIGLET!!! haha my 爱爱 LOL! yeah, for those who didn't realise, piglet is a male. my second love :P

anyway, walked down to cindy's hse and after passing her the books, he fetched me home. super tired.

thanks baby for going all the way down from pasir ris to jurong just to give me a surprise. really appreciate it!!! you made my lousy day so much better (: i love you.

threehundredandtwentyeight.

2009-12-14T11:49:00.003+08:00

my jie said that she enjoyed her time with my highlighter and thanks it for its service.

JUST WHAT THE HELL DID SHE DO WITH MY HIGHLIGHTER?!

threehundredandtwentyseven.

2009-12-14T09:09:00.003+08:00

last night i had a dream. nope, not a nightmare, but not a sweet dream either. it was something...different. something i have never thought of. something which made me think of everything.

i was standing in a really huge, empty room. with glaring white walls. it seemed like light was illuminating from them. i was blinded, momentarily. i couldn't stand looking at the intensity of the white. i looked away. i was afraid. i closed my eyes tight. i was afraid. i heard noises. i was afraid. and then i heard familiar voices, and i opened my eyes. there, on every space on the walls, was a picture. and these pictures seem to be moving. i looked at the one closest to me. it was a hospital room. a mother is carrying her new born child. a father is standing by the bed. i looked closer. the looks on their faces, was that of pure joy and happiness. i looked away, jealous that i have never seen those looks before. jealous that they were so truly happy because of that one baby.

i moved on to the next picture. i saw a father beating up a small girl. caning her, screaming at her. i looked closer and i saw another girl, an older one, trying to protect who i assumed to be her little sister. i looked away, because it reminds me so strongly of my family. i was choked up. i felt nauseous. i moved on.

kindergarten grad night. i see a young girl receiving her prize. she came in top. i see her parents and her grandmother applauding her, the pride on their faces were so evident. yes, this scene was familiar too. i looked closer, i stared at her parents. i jumped back. i stared hard at the girl. and i realised it was...me.

i started crying. i walked on. i looked at all those pictures. everyone of them was a memory of me. and some, memories of my parents and my sister. i couldn't stop crying. i saw, i felt, i cried. i couldn't stand looking at those pictures. but something kept me going. something was pushing me to move forward. i couldn't control anything. i screamed.

i woke up. shivering. my face was wet with tears.

threehundredandtwentysix.

2009-12-14T08:27:00.002+08:00

went out with aaron and joalynn yesterday to find haron's present. train-ed down to city hall to meet aaron and we spent like super long time to decide what to eat. went to marina to find food and spend another long period of time deciding. and we ended up eating at MOF (some jap place). i ate salmon toji with rice and he ordered 3 fried stuffs and rice. joalynn just drank her drink (sounds funny :X) after ordering we asked for the alcohol menu and we got sapporo (: note to self: sapporo is disappointing. though the aftertaste is really sweet.

when i was calling for the alcohol menu, one of the waiters saw me, and i mean LOOKED DIRECTLY at me, and then he walked away. i was like WHAT?! -_- then aaron says that he saw my hair and was scared. LOL thanks ah.

my food came super fast (cause it's pretty much self-cooked, like steamboat thing). so i ate first. aaron's rice came with mine so he was like eating the rice alone. his food took like SUPER LONG!!! even after i ate finish and he finished his whole bowl of rice, and we still could wait for awhile more then the food will come.

funny story: i wanted to know how long the food was going to take, so i called the same waiter who ignored me. he came, and i was asking him, and his expression was super priceless la. he looks as if i'm going to eat him up like that -_- LOL! then after everything, i called him for the bill also, and that same look was on his face again. AM I THAT SCARY?! LOL

note to self: MOF's service sucks, food is just borderline, and serving time sucks. DO NOT GO THERE unless you have LOTS of time and you have nothing else to eat :D oh but dear said the desserts are nice. haha so i should go and try some day eh?

after eating walked down to penninsula. got shin guards for haron and cause joalynn was sort of rushing for time cause of church, we walked her back to city hall then me and aaron went over to dhoby, with him thinking of brownies at P.Osh. which, happened to be closed on that day. so since we were so tired, we sat down at some chicken rice stall and ordered a drink. heart-to-heart talk with him LOL! ok, i feel like i'm talking to one of my girlfriends. LOL! but then, i've had always felt more comfortable pouring out to a GUY than a GIRL. always been the case :S weird eh.

he accompanied me to wait for dear, sat there for like an hour maybe? thanks eh :D

went to spotlight cause joalynn wanted us to find rhinestones for we-know-what :P but they don't have it. ok, they have, but it's not one single size and a single packet. disappointing. so dear suggested art friend. there lagi worse. don't even sell at all. WHICH IS DAMN WEIRD. but nvm. so we walked to ion cause i needed to go prologue to get jie's highlighters. and they don't even sell rhinestones also. i thought rhinestones are part of scrapbook stuffs too ):

walked back to cathay cause we (ok, I) wanted to eat at aston's. went there and the queue was like wtf-omg-knn-super long. haha so, since i'm really lazy to queue and wait, we tried thinking of another place to eat. so yupp, repeat of lunchtime, we took really long to decide. stood at the railing really long and he even called his friend to ask where's nice to eat hahaha. and then, we decided on manhattan's. so we walked back to PS. when we were about to go in, i saw xin wang's beside, and THEN, fickle me wanted to eat there. LOL yeah i'm really hard to manage right. hahaha

i ordered cheese baked rice with pork chop. my favourite. and when it came, my only comment? "it's a really fat pig" it's a serious comment la LOL it has SOOOOO MUUUCCCHHHHHHH FATS!!!!!! :S so i spent like 10 minutes of my life separating the fats from the meat -_-

i think i'm ranting.

after we ate, i didn't feel like getting up so we sat there for who-knows how long. haha then he wanted to go arcade so i'm like ok, so let's go now then. note to YOU: basketball is a huge NONO for me. too many memories. haha

and so, we decided to go home. he fetched me home. haha east-side boy fetches west-side girl home (:

i think i'm mad already -_-

threehundredandtwentyfive.

2009-12-13T00:50:00.004+08:00

MONSTER

I look down at myself and can't help but feel a rush of blood through my body. Through another body. This is my achievement, my pride, my love, the most precious thing in the world... I put my warm hands on my belly and smile. The life inside of me is kicking and alive. I will give anything, do anything... Anything at all to let it take its first breath, and many breaths after, and I can't wait to show him the world, and to share my life with another beautiful human being. One who is truly my own. One who has brought me joy for the past four months and will continue to make me happy for the rest of my life.

Will hasn't been happy lately, though.

I am sitting on the couch. In the living room. In the dark. It's 2.24am.

I am hearing my breathing, in the silence. I look down and I can feel it stirring against my skin. I am feeling sorry, sorry that I couldn't be there with Will at his company dinner.

The door clicked open and the whiff of alcohol, tobacco and... Something else... The smell made my stomach churn. I fought the nausea, I fought the tears. I held my baby for comfort. I held it tightly to remind me to stay strong. I looked at Will as he dragged his feet to the bedroom, undoing his tie at the same time.

In the next ten minutes, my whole world crumbled.

***************************************

I dropped Belle home from the clinic and rushed to the hotel for my company's annual dinner. We have done well and it was time for a real, good, long-awaited celebration. Alicia greeted me with a dazzling smile at the door, and we walked into the ballroom together. We parted to our own tables and the evening officially began. The food was amazing, the music was awesome and my god, the booze... The booze was heavenly!

Hell. It was a darn good break away from home. And drinking a little wouldn't hurt. She would be asleep by the time I get home anyway. Besides, the occasion calls for it so, why not?

The dinner went on for the next hour and the hall was bustling with hearty chats, laughter, well wishes... A while later, Alicia came over and sat next to me. From then on, I lost count of the number of glasses I had. Or we had, for that matter. Then she wanted to go outside for a smoke. I refused at first, since I don't smoke and I didn't want to bring back the stench back to my home. But she convinced me. I gave in and followed her...

I was tempted. She was all over me. I resisted. She was stunning. I pushed her away. She pulled me back. I told myself, one. I gave in. She continued. I took one step back again. She pulled me back again.

My mind was filled with thoughts of Belle. I thought of my baby boy.

I took a deep breath, turned and walked away firmly.

***************************************

"What happened?"

I didn't answer.

"What did you do?"

I didn't answer.

"What did you do?" This time in a louder voice.

"Nothing. I'm tired."

"Will!" She raised her voice this time. I hate the look on her face.

"I said nothing! Go to bed!" I raised my voice back at her.

She wouldn't give in and came closer to me.

"It's not nothing. I know it's not nothing. Is it her again."

Silence.

"Is it her?!" She screamed. Bitch.

"Yes, it's her! It's her alright! What do you want me to do, when you haven't given me sex for almost two months?? TWO FUCKING MONTHS!"

And then I lost all that I ever had.

***************************************

"What happened?" I asked softly.

He didn't answer.

"What did you do?" I asked again.

Again, there was no reply.

"What did you do?" This time in a louder voice.

"Nothing. I'm tired." I hate that nonchalant look on his face.

"Will!" I said, in a louder voice.

"I said nothing! Go sleep!" He screamed.

I felt a stab to my chest. My heart raced. I couldn't breathe properly. I decided to go closer to him and persist.

"It's not nothing. I know it's not nothing. Is it her again."

Silence.

"Is it her?!" I cried.

"Yes, it's her! It's her alright! What do you want me to do, when you haven't given me sex for almost two months?? TWO FUCKING MONTHS!"

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe my ears. I took one step back with disbelief written all over my face. And another. And another. I felt myself boiling inside while my hands and feet turned icy cold. I was burning so much with pain inside that I was afraid that I was either taking up blood from the baby or I was pumping too much blood to him. But I couldn't calm down, no matter how much I tried...

I look down at myself and can't help but feel a greater rush of blood through my body. Through another body. Suddenly this is my horror, my nightmare, a monster... I put my cold hands on my belly and gritted my teeth, tears streaming continuously down my weary face. The life inside of me is kicking and alive. But I will give anything, do anything... Anything at all to get rid of it, because it suddenly became the monster that was in the way of Will and I. I felt sorry for it too because he's got a horrible Daddy and a not-good-enough Mummy.

I didn't want to be rash. I didn't want things to end this way.

But he's gone forever.

- Marjorie Ang